Cool and Stealthy – The Essence of a Rogue with Tarte’s MATTEnificence Eyeshadow Palette (and Dollface Blush)

Greetings from slightly messy lodgings, my fellow rogues!

*phew* – you’ll have to excuse my slightly sweaty glowing state, friends – I just sprinted all the way up out of a particularly eerie catacomb buecause I just couldn’t wait to show you something!  I finally got my hands on a particularly coveted adventure posting, and I have with me right now the epic loot that we prised from the eldritch depths – the Tarte be MATTEnificent Eyeshadow Palette!

This gorgeous artefact has given me starry eyes since I first heard rumours of its existence. A stunning geode, which when cracked open reveals a cornucopia of cool-toned matte goodness? Could it be true? Well, indeed it was, and many days, several inter-adventure group bitchfights and a trip down into a truly hair-raising dungeon later, it’s finally mine!

I was a little confused by the receptacle that this artefact was housed in – I’m not sure what ‘CC’ is supposed to have to do with anything, but hopefully it doesn’t stand for ‘completely cursed’. They usually don’t advertise that, but…

Obviously, the first thing you notice when removing this treasure from its box is the absolutely stunning packging. Yes, it’s still plastic, and therefore relatively lightweight, but it’s still sturdy and the clasp is very strong. The amethyst geode-style design on the lid of the palette is beautiful – truly a collector’s item. I like to imagine that alongside the ettin on Tarte’s product development team that came up with the effortlessly lame ‘MATTEnificent’, there was an ethereally wise elven mystic that was on the packaging board.

I…I just can’t even express how much I love this palette – it’s PURPLE…and, and…MYSTICAL, and…GEOLOGICAL! I can’t even take a photo that does it justice…this is why I go into trap-littered catacombs, people.

Once you crack into this geode (no mean feat, actually, the clasp on my palette was a true rogue’s task to open), the glorious cool tones continue. I feel that it’s woth mentioning here that I own all of about three matte shadows, and one is a bright, warm cherry red – not precisely an ‘everyday’ shade. This palette perfectly fills a niche in my (admittedly very modest) beauty hoard, giving me a range of effortless, elegant matte neutrals to play with on a daily basis. The blush and eyeliner shades are essentially a bonus, as is the little double-ended brush (I do 99% of my eyeshadow with my fingers, because good brushes are face-meltingly expensive in these lands).

Puns abound in this palette’s names, thanks (presumably) to that same ettin that came up with the name of the palette. Still, some of them are kind of cute, I guess. Seriously, I think they must have been talking with the people at OPI…

The contents of the geode, without the odd plastic name overlay. Having the names actually printed onto the shadows or the palette itself would have ruined the effect a bit, I agree.
*So many glorious purple tones!*

The palette has a mirror that fills the space of the lid, and comes with a double ended shadow brush and a little card in which Tarte semi-helpfully explains how these shadows should be used (their placement ideas also appear on the little plastic insert with the names). The brush is totally functional at picking up colour, and it seems relatively soft, but my metric for this is poor, as I usually use my fingers…

The information card that helpfully explains where Tarte thinks you should put all the things. Also, the little brush that, by virtue of being double-ended, brings my eyeshadow brush collection to a grand total of three.
Also: how exactly does being ‘MATTEnificent’ launch you into space?

I also found (on the floor of the dungeon, because I never listened to my mother when she told me not to pick up shiny things off the ground) a blush sample with this palette – Tarte’s Amazonian Clay 12-hour blush in Dollface.

Shinies from the catacomb floor – a sample of Tarte’s Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in Dollface. There’s actually quite a bit of product here (depending on how doll-like you want to look).

Righty-ho, as the paladin would say – time to get swatching! As a general comment, I found almost all of the shades/products to be very dense and silky to the touch – almost *too* dense and silky in the case of the blusher (Elevated) in the palette, which required a little warming up to get the colour off. Once I did, however, there was pigment aplenty. Pink outside the Box and Don’t Stand Black were plenty pigmented, but on the drier/crumblier side – not so much that it was a real problem, but it was noticeable when compared with the others. Sand Out From the Crowd is nearly indistinguishable from my skin in the photos, although it is a little more obvious in real life – this shade was also a little sheerer than the others., which probably doesn’t help the swatch show up!

NB: I haven’t had time to test out all the possible looks with these products, or the wear time – I’ll update this post as I find out! I was just too excited to show off my loot to wait, and this is my first experience with Tarte, so I have mo frame of reference for what their stuff ‘usually’ does on me. Stay tuned!

First: The Blushes!

The Dollface sample and the Elevated blush from the palette.

Dollface is what I call a ‘Barbie’ pink in the packet – bright, almost hot pink with neutral to warm undertones. It was very smooth and pigmented to swatch, and there is a surprising amount of it on the little sample card. It blends well onto the skin with the fingers, and gives a fresh, bright pink flush to my skin. I like blushes like these where you have a lot of bright pigment to work with, but can sheer them down to exactly your desired level.

Elevated is a bit of a deceptive one – in the palette, it looks like a sort of cool-ish, baby pink, but as you can see, when swatched on my skin it takes on a very peachy, gingery tone! As I said above, I had to kind of get it going, but once I did the pigment flowed freely. It felt a bit more dense to swatch than Dollface, but still blended out well when I tried it. I like the colour, as my incredible hoard of two blushes does not yet contain a peach/ginger shade!

Top Row of Shadows:

The shadows from the upper row of the palette, complete with swatches in three different kinds of light (to make up for the fact that I’m not very good at doing eyeshadow swatches, perhaps? :-D)

I promise you that I did swatch Sand Out from the Crowd, and that it is at left in the swatch photos! It was comparatively sheer and matches my skintone quite well (aside from being, if anything, a little yellower than I am). Peach for the Stars is a bit like Elevated in that it looks pinker in the pan than it does on my skin. It’s a lovely neutral beige shade. Two Plums Up (by Corellon, the names) was the shade I was most looking forward to in this palette, and it didn’t disappoint – it’s pigmented, smooth and retains its purple tones in different lights (i.e. doesn’t go too reddish or brownish).

Lower Shadows:

Shadows from the lower row of the palette. I think there’s quite some versatility in these for me!

Isn’t it crazy that I’m so cool-toned I make cool-toned stuff look kind of warm? You can tell they are actually cool-toned though because they don’t look ‘odd’ on my vampire skin.

Pink Outside the Box is what I refer to as a chalky shade – it has an obvious white base to it, and it was drier than some of the other shades. That being said, it had a decent amount of pigment (although it’s close enough to my skintone that it’s hard to see), and the dryness didn’t stop it from applying alright to my skin. I think this is probably a shade I’ll keep for inner corners or maybe the browbone. Rose to the Occasion is a medium cool pinkish brown shade that I actually think would make kind of a neat blush on some skintones. It was smooth and pigmented, and blended onto my skin without any trouble. View From the Taupe is, well, a cool taupe. This is an interesting shade for me, because it’s tempting me to try it not only as a crease colour but also as an eyebrow powder and a contour! We’ll see how I get on on that score…

Finally: The Liners!

Two totally functional liners! Huzzah! 😀

These liners are totally functional. Dream in Chocolate is a dark brown that is dense, pigmented and smooth. Don’t Stand Black is…black. It’s a little drier/flakier than Dream in Chocolate, but it does smoke out nicely on the skin, so I suspect it will be good for smokey eye looks or setting other black liquid/gel liners. Even though it’s not so pigmented, it (along with Dream in Chocolate) rounds out this palette nicely – you have pretty much everything you need, right here.

Phew! Thanks for staying with me for a marathon swatch and photo fest – I hope it was useful to anyone eyeing up this gem of a palette! A note for those in Middle Earth who might be lusting after this: Tarte is unhelpful. They don’t ship internationally, and require a US billing address. This means (if you don’t have the latter) that you’ll need to either take advantage of a friend in the States (if they do it online, and use your YouShop address as the shipping address, then the total shipping to NZ will come out as less than if they buy it in a store or have it shipped to their address and *then* send it to you). or try ShipItTo – I’ve not personally tried this, but Shannon seems to manage just fine!

The verdict: Gorgeous packaging, incredibly useful, wearable (cool-toned! finally!) shades that are (for the most part) smooth and dense and pigmented – this palette pretty much has it all. If your collection doesn’t have many matte shadows, if you’re cool toned and are royally sick of everything being too warm for your skin, or if you’re just in the market for a lovely collector’s palette, give this one a look! I’ll be over in the corner with my preciousssssss….

The practicalities: Tarte’s Be MATTEnificent Collector’s Palette costs USD 36.00. The eyeshadows are 2.15 g/0.0758 oz each, the liners are 3.36 g/0.1185 oz each, and the blush is 4.38 g/0.1544 oz. The Dollface sample has no listed weight (unsurprisingly), but the full size costs USD 26.00 for 0.2 oz. The MATTEnificent palette is limited edition, Dollface is permanent and both may be acquired, with the rest of the Tarte line, from www.tartecosmetics.com and  www.sephora.com (and Sephora stores in the US).

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

A Rogue Can Dream, Right? – January Wishlist

Greetings from the depths of the darkest dungeon, fellow rogues!

Today we’ll be taking a look at some of the things that I wish were in the bottom of the dungeons our party usually gets sent down.  Generally speaking, we find a lot of giant spiders and gelatinous cubes, which are much less desirable and hell to get out of your boots afterwards (don’t even get me started on hair).

Yes, it’s this rogue’s wishlist for January 2014 – things that I’ve been eyeing wistfully this month (and probably for longer in some cases!). I’ve broken it into three categories: Skincare, Beauty and Rogueish Geekery. All the photos were taken from the manufacturers/creators/distributors websites, which are linked if you click on the title of the paragraph about a given item. Just to be clear, none of these links are affiliate!

Let’s get stuck in (like a dagger into a drider) shall we?

I. Skincare

A rogue’s face and feet (actually, any adventurer’s, really) take a beating – these are some things I’ve been eyeing up to combat the issue! (Also orcs, but the manufacturers don’t mention the products’ efficacy on that front…)

 

1. Freeman Bare Foot Foot Lotion in Dragonfruit

I’ve had quite good luck with Freeman products in general (see posts here and here), but I can’t quite overstate how exciting it is to see a dedicated foot lotion that DOES NOT CONTAIN PEPPERMINT. Seriously! It’s incredible. Hopefully, I’ll get the chance to try it out soon, and I’ve nearly finished some of my other, similar products.

2. Hurraw Lip Balms, specifically in Chai Spice and Earl Grey

I’ve heard a lot of good things about these lip balms, and being a lip balm hoarder (how can you not be when you spend what seems like half your life in cold, rooftop air?), I feel it my duty to investigate. I’m particularly attracted by the two flavours listed above, but they have a wide range of tasty sounding offerings!

3. Dermalogica Medibac Special Clearing Booster Magical Potion Thing

It’s a zit zapper. Supposedly a very effective one (hopfully strong enough for post-curse situations – get the wizard to check that jewellery, kids!). It’s on my wishlist because it’s >$100 a bottle here in Middle Earth, and my skin isn’t so cruel to me that I feel like I *need* it. But sometimes…let’s just say it’d be damn helpful (if it works)!

4. Michael Todd True Organics Honey and Oat Cleanser

I get quite dry skin on my cheeks, and this is supposed to be good for dry skin! I already have (and love) the Tropical Fruit Exfoliant Scrub from this line (review coming soon!), and I’d love to try more of his stuff! I really, really wish just *one* loot chest or dragon hoard would have a set of Michael Todd products. Just one. But they never do – it’s always gold and jewels, pffft.

And now! On to the makeup shinies…

II. Makeup

 

SHINY! So many coloured potions for the face, so little time.

 

5. Clinique Cheek Pop Blushes

In case you’ve missed it, these blushes are supposed to be AWESOME. I’ve been drooling over Christine’s swatches and reviews over at Temptalia, and I think I’d like them all. Unhelpfully, Clinique’s website only gives the picture for one of the colours, but there are four in total – you can see them in Christine’s wonderful pictures. Somewhere, I suspect there is an overgrown temple where these blushes sit like jewels in the eyes of a colossal statue. Sadly, no-one has posted a quest for it yet.

6. Chanel Illusion d’Ombre in Mirifique

This is, as most of you may be aware, not a new product at all. However, I am a longtime fan of these eyeshadows (particularly Fantasme, which can be used for basically *everything*), and I feel like the sparkly black one is missing in my life. How can I create the perfect glittering smoky roguelike eye looks without it? The sages are still debating just such a question. The sages have also unfortunately not provided any information on how to afford it, either ;-).

7. YSL Gloss Volupte

To be clear, although this is an awesome-looking black gloss (it’s the gloss volupte in ‘Smoking’), and I would love to own a black gloss (if it were opaque!), the colour from this range I’m really interested in is Grenade Pepite. There is a swatch/bottle photo on the same website linked in the title, but the colour is, in my opinion, rubbish. It looks nothing like the magnificence of the actual gloss. How do I know what it looks like? Why here, of course! Feast your eyes on the magnificence, people. Want.

8.  Revlon Colourburst Matte Balms

These. Are. Almost. Here. In. Middle. Earth. Seriously, the display is in Farmers, but they haven’t filled it yet *facepalm*. Once again, the Revlon website only actually has a picture of one of the colours (in full packaging form), but anyone who knows this rogue can probably guess which one I actually really want, and that’s the one called ‘Shameless’…which I think is the perfect name for a bright purple matte lip pencil!

Phew! Two down, one to go…

III. Rogueish Geekery

 

So many wonderful things to drool over…

 

9. Dark Sword Miniatures’ ‘Female Bard With Lute’

This is a gorgeous 28mm scale female bard from Dark Sword Miniatures, who (in my opinion) make some of the very best fantasy RPG miniatures out there. What you can see in the picture is the original model, from which the actual minis you buy are cast – those minatures are in pewter metal. This bard is a sculpt by Jeff Grace, and if you click on the link in the title you can see a couple of different painted versions as well. I’ve been wanting this bard mini for ages, but haven’t been able to justify it because she’s in a resting pose, which makes her better for display than gaming. Love this mini, though!

10. The Last of Us (Naughty Dog)

I’m fairly certain that every person with a Playstation and a pulse has already tried this game, and it comes very highly recommended! I’ve wanted it since months before it came out, but I have such a backlog of unfinished games that I haven’t been quite able to justify getting it yet! I’ve just been running around the internet, trying not to get spoiled 😛 Naughty Dog are the developers behind one of my all-time favourite PS3 games (Uncharted 2), and I can’t wait to see how this one goes!

11. Descent: Journeys in the Dark 2nd Ed. Expansions

Fantasy Flight make wonderful boardgames. Descent is one of them. There are expansions. I wouldn’t mind all of them! Not much else to say really, except to point out that, as a rogue, I feel that these games are less ‘playthings’ than they are serious adventuring training. They’ve got it all – monsters, dungeons, adventurers, loot, and the quests are actually non-trivial to complete! Plus there are minis – what’s not to love?

12. Hirst Arts Molds #57, #58 and #59

I’m fairly certain Bruce Hirst is actually a wizard. Not only does he make the most amazing, detailed, gorgeous molds for miniature (fantasy) architecture so that you can create, paint and build your own from scratch, but his website is crammed full of detailed instructions (with photos) for how to cast, paint, build, decorate and generally make the most out of the molds you buy. The image in the picture is the one from the link I’ve put in the title. It’s an inn he created from the casts of molds 57-59, which are some of the moulds I’m considering acquiring. We have a couple of Hirst Arts molds already, and they’re amazing. If you’re at all interested in miniature modelling, fantasy or historical style, you need to check his stuff out, pronto. This is my serious rogue face, people!

 

So! There we go! Those are my ‘why are these never in the loot?’ items for January. Have you tried any of these things? What are your thoughts?

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

Give ’em Lip – Dior Universal Lipliner and a Rogueworthy Purple Look

Greetings from the sassy corner, my fellow rogues!

Most of you are probably aware of my mild extreme fondness for purple. Purple eyeshadows, purple clothes, purple lasers. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no; one of my longest and most arduous quests involved the search for truly purple lipsticks. Most brands will try to fob you off with a ‘purple’ that is so red based they might as well just own up and call it burgundy, or tell you you can only achieve a true violet lip with eyeliners and cosmetic pigments and more patience than a paladin on prozac. I searched high, I searched low. I searched under trolls for heavens sake. It was only when I traveled to the other side of the known world, to the land of lavender itself, that I finally found my true purple lipsticks: Make Up Forever’s #15 and #49:

The metallic, violet glory of MUFE #15!

The brooding, crushed-blueberry goodness of MUFE #49!

But this is old news – I’ve posted about them here and here – you’ve come to expect only the freshest and most rogueish insights from this blog, and by Corellon, you’ll get them. Today I’ll be taking you through a particularly nifty aide to a good purple lip, and showing you the result! Yes, today’s product is the Dior Universal Lipliner Pencil:

The Dior Universal Contour Lipliner Pencil, complete with the other major tools of the forthcoming lip look. Also the tissue where I wiped off the brush, because I thought it looked vaguely arty.

I know, I know. Most of you are probably thinking ‘Syl, I thought you hated/were too lazy for lipliner. Why, all of a sudden, are we hearing about how nifty one is?’ Well, I’ll tell you – when you want perfection (or at least as close to it as you’re likely to achieve), lipliner has your back. If I’m going to venture into putting pictures of my lips on the internet, you can be sure I’m gunning for perfection! You’ll note that the lipliner is one of those transparent ones that can work with any lipstick or lip colour. This is particularly important for me, precisely because I usually can’t be orc’d with lipliner. If I’m going to use one, I want it to be so effortless it’s not even funny – and Doir’s offering fits the bill.

It’s so transparent and smooth that a swatch is utterly pointless. It’s literally invisible. It’s also non-drying, comfortable, and holds things in place for as long as you’d like (i.e. until you eat something that necessitates wiping your whole mouth. Roast boar is particularly bad for this). It’s odourless, tasteless colourless and untraceable – it’s the perfect poison lipliner.

Aesome lip brush is awesome. And slightly blurry.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to mention that the butt end of this lipliner is a very high quality lip brush. Seriously, I think some sort of wizard must have been involved in the creation of this brush – it’s flat and supple enough to paint the inside of your lip, but the edge and tip are sharp enough to make the thinnest, most precise lines you can imagine. When the pencil is used up (should be a while…) I’m going to be hanging onto this brush!

Alright, I, too, think that only an ettin would put up a post with a bunch of old photos and a wall of text. So I’m going to branch into new territory here by attempting to prove to you just how fabulous the two purple lipsticks are by creating a true, rogueworthy purple lip. There’s no messing around here, clerics and goblinfolk, this purple lip means business. I present:

Cue: creepy lip collage! Although if you squint it kind of looks like a bunch of butterflies. Probably ones that occupy the same plane as the mindflayers, but butterflies nonetheless…LOOK HOW GLORIOUSLY, TRULY PURPLE THESE LIPSTICKS ARE! (try to avoid noticing how dry my lips are…)

I’d like to take a moment to assure you that the only thing I’ve done to these pictures is crop them. Yes, I am that pale (in fact here I’m wearing a BB creme that may actually be a shade or two too dark on me), and yes, these lipsticks are that purple. I have not touched the saturation on anything – these photos were taken in natural evening light (terrible light for photos, in hindsight; it took me forever to acquire these!). I will swear on any text you care to name, except that one with the teeth – you can keep that away from me, thanks. I’ve tried to get the sharpest line at the edges that I could – the pinkish haze around the edges that you can see in some photos is the very edge of my natural lip – no bleeding from these lipsticks (even without the liner, I find).

So how was it done? Well, first I applied some lip balm, (which didn’t manage to totally fix my terribly flaky lips, but such is life when you decide on the spur of the moment to do ombre lip looks), then some concealer and BB creme to cover a couple of spots. Once the lip balm had sunk in, I lined my lips with the Dior liner, and smudged the liner into the centre of the lips (by feel, mostly – it really is invisible). I then gave my lips one overall, solid coat of MUFE #15, and used the Dior lip brush to paint on MUFE #49 from the corners of my lips, working my way inward to create a shadow around the edge of my lower lip and along the inner line of my upper lip. I then finished off the centre of my lower lip and my cupid’s bow with dabs of MUFE #15 again to maximise the metallic shine after the blending.

Ta-Da! Purple lips that don’t apologise, and are awesome while doing it. What are your thoughts on this look?

The verdict: The lipsticks I’ve already gushed over. The lipliner does just what it says on the box, and it does it well. It’s invisible, it;s moisturising (for a lipliner) and it holds lipstick in place. It even comes with a phenomenal lip brush attached to its other end. What’s not to love? (Well, the price, maybe, but at least you’re getting a lot of quality for your gold. :-P). It also comes with a sharpener, but when you have an Urban Decay sharpener, it’s nothing to write home about. It’s basically like a school pencil sharpener with ‘Dior’ written on it. Nice for additional value, I guess! If you use a lot of lipliner, there may be more cost-effective options available – I know Urban Decay has an ‘invisible’ lipliner, for one.

The practicalities: The Dior Universal Contour Lipliner Pencil costs NDZ ~60.00 (I can’t remember off the top of my head, but it’ll be somewhere in the 50-60 range)/USD ~30.00 for 1.1 g/0.04 oz, is permanent, and may be acquired, with the rest of the Dior line, from assorted Dior counters and stores, and Sephoras around the globe.

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

Eyeing up the Diamonds – KIKO Make Up Milano Glitter Eyeliner in 01 Multicolour

Greetings from the wrong side of a vault door, fellow rogues!

Diamonds are funny things. In a way, this rather unassuming allotrope of carbon wouldn’t even warrant a passing notice (except for industrial applications), if it weren’t for someone taking the trouble to chip little bits of it off until it sparkled perfectly. You probably won’t be surprised that many adventure postings concern fabulous jewels (usually at the bottom of trap-and-orc-filled dungeons), and that quite a large number of these are some sort of ‘diamond’ (probably cursed).

When you’ve fought your way through enough drow-infested catacombs, only to find that the fabulous diamond idol you’re looking for is indeed horribly cursed, you can get a bit sick of the sparkle, to be honest. Fortunately for a rogue’s appreciation of shiny things (which no true rogue should be without, I think), KIKO Cosmetics Milano have the perfect remedy.

 

Eleimos the Druid thought he’d seen more dimaonds than he ever wanted to… but he couldn’t deny the attraction of this mysterious, sparkling tube…

 

KIKO Makeup Milano is an Italian cosmetics brand that is available (as far as I can tell) throughout Europe and in the UK. My first experience with them was in the city of Naples, where I spotted a brightly lit, black and purple storefront through the driving rain. The store looked very swish, but the promotion in the window was trumpeting mascaras for 3 Euro – I had to know more.

Having glided through the dripping shadows and entered the store, I was plunged into a whirlpool of colour and sparkle. The selection seems to vary by store (I could not find any lipstick other than the ones in the recent limited edition collection, for example, although the website lists many more), but there was an almost overwhelming array of eyeshadows, eyeliners, foundations, concealers and skincare products. If you’re looking for an affordable way to try individual, bright/unconventiaonl colours, KIKO might be your best bet.

My quest only yielded a modest haul (an eyshadow and two eyeliners), but the prices were very reasonable, and sales seem to be common.  By the standards of Middle Earth prices, it’s hard to get over the immediate assumption that KIKO stuff is rubbish, just because it’s so cheap. Happily, I can report that this is not the case! To get back to the topic at hand…

 

KIKO Makeup Milano Glitter Eyeiner in 01 Multicolour. A true multitasker, this iridescent glitter can be applied over any colour to add diamond sparkle.

 

The glitter eyeliner from KIKO comes in two flavours – multicoloured and silver. I went with the multicoloured one, partly because it was on sale, but mostly because I wanted something versatile. When you’re a master or disguise and deception, you need to be flexible in your cosmetic skills! This transparent gel eyeliner is chock full of tiny iridescent/transparent glitter particles that catch the light very effectively without changing the colour of whatever’s below it. The gel formula also dries quite quickly, and doesn’t dissolve any other liner underneath it (I’ve used it over both UD 24/7 liners and Lancome’s felt-tip liquid black liner).

 

The glitter in this liner is subtle but plentiful, and really catches the light when on the eye (particularly thanks to blinking). As you can see in this photo, the glitter density is quite impressive in one coat.

 

The little brush is quite effective, and the collar inside the bottle prevents the shaft of the brush from getting gummed up and wasting the product, but allows plenty of glitter to come out on the brush. I find I only need one stroke to get the glitter effect, two if I’m feeling like something particularly flashy. Your mileage may vary, depending on how opaque and thick you like your glitter anyway. There is no strange smell (so the minotaurs are out of luck) and I don’t find this formulation irritating at all – even when some of the glitter (at the end of a long night) turns up in my eye goo, I’m not aware of having felt it at all (so, probably not cursed).

 

Diffused natural light, to give another view of how the glitter might appear under normal conditions.

 

I find that the brush affords a good combination of thick and thin lines, helped by the fact that the glitter is small enough to want to do both as well. The lasting power is excellent – it’s always still there at the end of the night’s raiding – any shifting is usually due to a failing of the layer underneath it. I don’t find that it ends up down on my face or up on my browbone.

 

Eleimos wondered what had happened to remove the top from the strange pillar…and what had emerged from its glittering interior….
…oh. Could be that brush over there, he supposed…

 

The verdict: This iridescent eyeliner is well worth a look, with effective sparkle, easy application, lastability and versatility. The price won’t offend your gold purse, and although the shade selection in this particular eyeliner is severely limited, KIKO has an exhausting range of colour and glitter to sample across almost every other kind of cosmetic. I’ll be reviewing the other items I’ve tried from KIKO soon!

The practicalities: KIKO Makeup Milano glitter eyeliners cost EUR/ GBP 6.90 each for 4.5 mL g/0.15 fl. oz. KIKO products may be acquired from KIKO stores and online at www.kikocosmetics.com. I got my eyeliners on sale for about half price, but they appear to be permanent items. If you live in New Zealand, you might be able to get KIKO things from the UK website using YouShop UK (I haven’t tried yet!)

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

Rogue of the Jungle – AmazON…AmazOFF from the new OPI Brazil Collection

Greetings from the passages of an overgrown jungle temple, fellow rogues!

Occasionally, our adventuring party gets to wander even further off the beaten path than usual, and tackle a quest in far-flung, exotic lands. Imagine my excitement when I walked past a local adventure posting board (i.e. Farmers) and noticed a posting for a new series of quests in Brazil…

Yes, that’s right, it was the new display of OPI’s latest collection – Brazil. Full disclosure – my heart leapt when I saw the bright cardboard display, then sank when I saw that what appeared to be half the shades were either brown, or dupes of things from previous (recent) collections. Don’t get me wrong, there are some bright, fun colours here (including a vibrant canary yellow and some hot coral/oranges), but then there is a putty coloured one, and a brown one, and a dingy red one, and a duochrome that is (in the bottle) not wildly dissimilar to the grey/purple duochrome from at least three or four recent collections. To qualify this – the ‘dupes’ are probably not exact at all, and how excited you are by any shade will depend on personal preference, but I just somehow wasn’t as buzzed by this collection as by previous ones.

BUT! There was one posting on that board that stood right out…a gorgeous, deep, slightly teal-y jungle green that I couldn’t take my eyes off. I had to have that quest! To sweeten the deal, I noticed that Farmers seem to have permanently reduced the price of OPI polishes (from ~$26 to $19.95), and there was a 10% off promotion. Huzzah!

I present: AmazON…AmazOFF (cue groans at typical terrible OPI puns)

OPI AmazON…AmazOFF from the new Brazil Collection. Green! Glorious green…and it is acctually a bit less blue in real life.

As mentioned in the caption, the shade is actually a bit more green in real life, which will hopefully be obvious from the forthcoming nail swatches. It’s a creme polish, a little on the thick side like similar OPI shades (Eurso Euro being a good example). This means that you can get nearly opaque coverage in one coat, but I did two over my usual Sally Hansen base coat for good measure.

I was at a bit of a loss for jungle-y things to photograph with this manicure, but I think the design on the cover of this little book is perfect! It may or may not contain spells for getting rid of minor skin afflictions – you’ll have to ask the wizard.

I could be going insane, but when I look at this polish in direct sunlight, on my nails (not in the bottle) I could swear that there’s almost a slight pearl to it. It most definitely just looks like a normal creme polish usually, but…? Anyone else see this? Maybe I took a swig from the wrong vial on my kitbelt…

Dry time was normal for a polish this creamy, and I’d like to note here that the gloss finish you can see in the photos is entirely due to AmazON…AmazOFF itself. No topcoat here! I may put some on to protect it, but like the greenstone necklaces that Sigryn found that one time in that one dungeon, this has its own glossy finish. Unlike those neckalces, this polish does not appear to be cursed with a necrotizing spell.

Wait a minute… I don’t see any spells in here! Sneaky wizards…

The reason I mention that charming little anecdote about the necklaces is that for a couple of minutes I thought the polish bottle was cursed with necrotizing enchantments, as my fingertips started to take on a bluish green colour. Then I realised that it’s just that this polish stains skin (we’ll have to see about the nails, but a good thick layer of basecoat should help) – you can see it particularly on the lower edge of my little finger in the photo above. The cleric and paladin were kind of freaking out and babbling about curses on jungle temples, but I think it just means that you have to be as tidy as possible when putting this polish on.

Amazon…Amazoff in a couple more different lights, so you can see how the colour changes. Still can’t find any spells in this damn book…

I’m predicting that wear time for this will be the ‘OPI average’ for me (i.e. 24-36 hours), which is perfectly decent wear on my nails (yes, I am a freak). I will update this post if this somehow differs from that average, but I highly doubt it – I find OPI creme polishes to be very consistent in that respect! I’m already eyeing it up for a whole slew of topcoat options, the first one being OPI The Living Daylights, followed by Butter London Henley Regatta. What are your suggestions?

 

UPDATE: Here are the pictures of The Living Dayights (from the OPI Skyfall Collection) over AmazON…AmazOFF. I think it works well!

 

 

 

The verdict: This is a gorgeous, jungle green polish that is nearly opaque in one coat and dries to a lacquer-glossy finish. It does have some tricky staining potential to it, but the proper precautions and care should help with that. Definitely the best of the Brazil collection (in this rogue’s humble opinion)! Now for a jungle-themed arty manicure…

The practicalities: OPI colour (and glitter) polishes cost NZD ~20.00/USD ~8.00 each for 15 mL/0.5 fl. oz, depending on where you shop. Topcoats, treatments etc tend to be much more expensive, around NZD 40.00/USD 16.00. OPI is available at your local pharmacy/Farmers, as well as various online distributors; OPI polishes are also available in New Zealand (along with China Glaze, Zoya, Picture Polish and a number of other hard-to-get brands!) from www.candygirl.co.nz.

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

Beauty and Grit: Revlon Colorburst Lip Butters in Peach Parfait, Wild Watermelon and Sweet Tart

Greetings from darkened buttresses, my fellow rogues!

You know those times when everything kind of gets on top of you? Like when your dagger is stuck in an angry orc, and your leather leggings are giving you a wedgie and the paladin’s looking way too smug about it all? And all you want to do is scream and kick someone in the shins, but you’re trying to stay classy?
Yep, these are the times when you just want your lipstick to work, dammit, and help you to feel comfortable and fabulous and sophisticated. If, maybe, it could be hydrating as well, that would be a bonus…

Well, then let me introduce you to Revlon’s line of Colorburst Lip Butters!

When Sigryn tells you that these Colorburst Lip Butters are good, you’d better believe her. And her Axe.

These Lip Butters are kind of like my fail safe lipsticks. You know, the lipsticks that you can put on almost no matter what condition your lips are in, and know that they’ll brighten you up and take decent care of you. That they’ll wear well and fade gracefully, leaving a soft stain. That you won’t have to worry about them and check on them and wait with mild dread for that moment when your previously hydrating, attractive lip colour seems to spontaneously turn into a patchy series of desiccating remnants fit only for a necromancer’s mantelpiece. You know, lipsticks like those.

Despite being surrounded, Sigryn knows she’s among friends. Left to right: Sweet Tart, Peach Parfait and Wild Watermelon.

Revlon Colorburst Lip Butters come in about a million (or, you kow, ~20) shades, with their characteristically colour coded, quilted plastic caps. The first series (from which Peach Parfait and Sweet Tart come) was named after desserts, and more recent seasonal collections have added to this range, like the summer-sweets related one from Summer 2013 (cue Wild Watermelon). I should note that I’ve also tried Brown Sugar (a shimmery, glittery sheer tan colour) and Red Velvet (a slightly brownish red from this range, but both were too brown-leaning for my tastes, so I gave them away.

Since I mentioned packaging, I’ll take a moment here to note that I’m not actually much of a fan of the Colorburst Lip Butter cases. The quilted cap is cute enough, and I like that there’s a see-through top and colour-coding for ready identification in the midst of a goblin siege… but the mechanism is terrible. Almost all the ones I’ve had feel sort of loose as you wind the bullet up (Wild Watermelon is the exception, so perhaps they’ve improved it recently), and the bullet itself seems a little too mobile – every single one has eventually ended up scraping at the side of the case as it winds up and down, making a mess. This isn’t a deal-breaker when the lipsticks are this good, but it’s definitely a shame!

Not cool, Revlon. Also not the end of the world, but it makes things that much messier and interferes with my need to maintain pristine lipstick bullets *twitch*

Enough grumbling, however, because I’m here to tell you that this is a minor quibble when you consider how great these lipsticks are! The beginning of the post would have been a bit pointless, otherwise… 😛

Sweet Tart is a bright, slightly cool toned pink. Not dissimilar to the colour of the Paladin’s face after someone managed to convince him to try something stronger than a shandy. Wild Watermelon is a vivid, coral-leaning red that is totally unapologetic and wants you to be the same. Peach Parfait is literally my perfect MLBB shade (assuming my lips glitter slightly). It’s a pinky peach colour with a hefty helping of golden sparkles. Although the sparkles are not actually too overt on the lips (unless you cake this stuff on), there is noticeable grit as you press your lips together. I don’t actually mind this much, but it might be a deal breaker for some.

Clockwise from top: Peach Parfait, Sweet Tart and Wild Watermelon. You can kind of see the ‘grittiness’ in Peach Parfait here, but you should also note that the reason it’s only wound out that far is that I’ve almost used it up. Grit or no, I love this shade!

These lipsticks have a balm-like, almost waxy texture that I find to be smooth and hydrating. It applies well to both the outer part of the lip and that tricky inner part that most lipsticks seem to avoid  as though it were an orc’s loincloth. On me, these wear for about three or four hours if no feasting is involved, slightly less if it is. This is quite excellent wear on me for this type of sheernotsheer/balm lipstick. It’s also worth noting that these don’t skimp on pigment – you can make them sheer if you want to , but they have plenty of colour. They fade cleanly to leave a soft stain.

Natural light swatches, from left: Wild Watermelon, Sweet Tart, Peach Parfait. Please excuse the crappiness of these swatches – these lipsticks are actually not as well suited to my arm as they are to my lips! 😀

The finish runs from glossy to a satin sheen (with light sparkle in the case of Peach Parfait), which is one that I find particularly flattering, especially for quite bold shades like Sweet Tart and Wild Watermelon. The lipsticks have a faint sweet sort of scent that is quite unobtrusive, and no real taste to speak of. Yes, I do think it was a huge missed opportunity that they don’t smell/taste like thier namesakes, like Lancome Juicy Tubes. No, I don’t think they would have managed that flawlessly, so I’m kind of secretly glad they didn’t try!

Artificial light, to show the shine. From left: Peach Parfait, Sweet Tart, Wild Watermelon. In this light, Sweet Tart and Wild Watermelon look extremely similar, but this is definitely not the case on the lips!

As a little footnote, I’m well aware that these came out a LONG time ago, but they’re so good that I feel they bear re-examination, just in case anyone missed out 😉 Hey, sometimes we rogues are in a deep dungeon or locked in battle with a fearsome dracolich when these things come out. Better late than never, in this case!

The verdict: These Colorburst Lip Butters check all the boxes for a rogue’s workhorse lipstick: they’re comfortable, colourful, hydrating, easy to apply and wear very well. They’re lightweight, come in a massive shade range (that Revlon periodically adds to) and even have cure colour-coded packaging. What more can you ask for, really? At some point, I’m hoping to expand my collection, but the Revlon Lacquer and Matte balms have finally made it to these shores, so that might have to wait! 😉 Highly recommended.

The practicalities: Revlon Colorburst Lip Butters cost NZD ~28.oo / USD ~7.00 for 2.5 g/0.09 oz, are permanent, and may be acquired from chemists/drugstores etc the world over.

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

An Ode to Pink: Chanel Rose Insolent, OPI Pink Yet Lavender and Iambic Pentameter

Greetings, my fellow rogues!

This post was inspired by Susie the Rockbard, both in the sense that it is about things that are pink, but also in the sense that it will strive to be as poetic as she is. Today’s Zero to Hero task was to post in a style that we’re not used to, such as a photo scrapbook or a short inspirational quote. Since I had already planned to post this particular review, which requires both photos and a certain amount of text, I thought I would spice it up a little bit by doing the whole thing in iambic pentameter.

Iambic pentameter is a literary/poetic technique in which the lines of the text are written to give a series of five ‘iambs’. In English, an iamb consists of a pair of syllables, with the emphasis on the second one. In the original ancient Greek/Latin tradition, an iamb is a set of two syllables where the first one is short and the second one is long, because that’s how they did it back in the day. If you’d like some examples, Wikipedia and xkcd have your back. (I should note for the purposes of this text: ‘OPI’ needs to be read as the individual letters, not ‘Opee’!)

I make no guarantees that I will succeed in this endeavour without fault, but I hope what follows gives you a chuckle at least (and let you know about a couple of polishes!). Iambic pentameter does not have to rhyme, but I  think I may have gotten a bit sonnet-y at times, and not at others, because…poetry. Enjoy! 😛

An Ode to Pink (by Sylirael)

At left we have Chanel in Rose that is
Most Insolent and then at right we see,
A shade of OPI that glitters bright;
a ‘Pink Yet Lavender’ it seems to be…

Chanel Rose Insolent is creme and pink

A bright and vibrant shade to cheer the mood

and lift the spirits when the orcs attack.

Its application is quite smooth and clean

Though shaking is a necessary feat

As pigment settles quite deceptively

Three coats are best for colour most opaque

But two will work if glitter tops the nail.

The finish is a mostly shiny one,

though I prefer a ‘lacquer’ look, which makes

A Sally Hansen topcoat best for me.

A rogue who rests her hand on flasks of wine,
whose thumb appears most odd in corners right,
has painted nails in shades of brightest pink.
Yet when upon the pink the glitter rests,
it actu’lly looks more like silver, see?

Now Pink Yet Lavender from OPI:

A shade Mariah Carey ‘made’ you know!

See holographic tiny glitters mixed,

with hexes in a pale pink-purple shade.

The application is most irksome, on

occasion needing pushing ’round the nail,

to get the glitter cov’rage where you want.

However I will say that it is cute

and makes an end-effect that’s worth the quest

In artificial light they look like this:
the pink takes on a much more coral hue.
The glitter seems to better match its name,
as now you see the ‘lavender’ there too.

The wear time for Chanel is very long,

on me, that is, which only means two days –

maximum, I mean it, seriously!

The glitter in the OPI is more

long wearing by sheer virtue of the fact;

it’s glitter top coat here I mean, come on!

But by itself it prob’ly lasts twelve hours…

(Remember though that I am freakish here,

and twelve is ‘normal’ in my polish hours!)

Yes, rogues have cuddly sweaters too you know,
they keep the dungeon chill at bay quite well.
The glitter statement nail is one of my
fav’rite ways to cheer a troll-filled hell

The Verdict here is one of mixed design:

Chanel’s Rose Insolent, it stole my heart

with vibrant, cheery pink that fends off gloom.

Pink Yet Lavender is more ‘okay’,

but little work rewards with glitt’ring light.

Practically: these polishes aren’t rare

Chanel is found at counters, stores and at

chanel dot com across the world, it seems.

A bottle, thirteen ml, costs forty eight

In Middle Earth that is, in ‘Merica

the cost is twenty seven for the same.

The OPI is even more widespread,

and may be found in Farmers, drugstores too.

A bottle, fifteen ml, costs twenty six

in Middle Earth again, where costs are high.

Americans will find them for a snap!

Just eight, the dollars needed in that land.

Until next time, my rogues, you must take care,

to check for traps in every dungeon lair.

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

Quiz! Consider Your Reputation…Which Dungeon-Dweller are You?

Greetings, fellow rogues!

As some of you may be aware, I am participating in WordPress’s Zero to Hero program for January. Today’s challenge was to take the Daily Prompt for today and ‘make it your own’. The prompt was as follows:

‘Do you have a reputation? What is it, and where did it come from? Is it accurate? What do you think about it?’

Since I think you can all take a stab (haha!) at what a rogue’s reputation is like without me blathering on about myself, I thought I would take this opportunity to bring you another of my little quiz diversions. This time, you’ll get the chance to discover which dungeon-dwelling monster you most resemble, based on how you come across to others!

(Note, this is intended as a bit of fun only, I’m sure we’re all lovely people, not monstrous at all! …Right?) Feel free to cheat egregiously on this quiz, and let me know what you got in the comments down below!

 

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged – but what do people *really* think of your fondness for wearing crowns and enormous statement necklaces?

 

Quiz! Consider Your Reputation…Which Dungeon-Dweller are You?

 

1. What are people’s first impressions of you?

A) Paralysing horror, apparently. Probably terror too. Their minds are so weak…but still juicy…
B) ‘Ew’.  flobble
C) Usually their last ones. Probably involving blood and fire. Also spiders.
D) Skinny, has a large group of friends. Well, newly summoned undead, technically.
E) They think I’m just one ugly brute in a mindless horde! I’ll show them!
F) What’s an impression? People are funny, hahaha! Who? I like meeting people. Is it time for meat yet?

 

2. What sort of people end up hanging out with you?

A) The sort of mindless drones who can’t think for themselves, usually. Sycophants have their advantages, though.
B) Anyone who stands still long enough, really. They only really ‘hang’ until I can digest them, though. blurp
C) None are worthy to ‘hang out’ with me. Anyone who gets close and extends the hand of friendship will have it severed.
D) Anyone from the nearby ground, really. Tend to be quiet types with poor personal hygiene.
E) Um, other people exactly like me, really. I suppose you coud say it was a bit of a horde situation…but we’re not mindless!
F) Lots of them. I have friends! Meat is tasty. I know, right? Wait, what?

 

3. How would your best friend describe you in three words?

A) What is this ‘friend’ concept you speak of?
B) [*three wet sucking sounds*]
C) Fierce. Devious. Deadly.
D) Wise. Slender. Powerful.
E) Honourable. Handsome. Brave.
F) Funny! Hahahahah! Fight?

 

4. What’s the last thing you overheard someone say about you?

A) If I recall correctly, it went some thing along the lines of ‘Arrrgh!’ I assume they meant me, because they were waving their arms in my general direction at the time.
B) ‘For the love of Corellon, get me out of this thing!’ jiggle
C) I’m not sure. It was obscured with the gargling noise when I opened their carotid artery.
D) ‘Wait a minute – that bookshelf he’s standing next to looks really heavy!’ Adventurers will have their little joke…can anyone help me up?
E) ‘Oh for goodness sake, not more of these guys!’ So rude.
F) ‘There’s more of the little ones’ Who, me? I’m not little. You’re too big. I have kinves. Want to see?

 

5. Do you ever worry about what people think of you?

A) People can think what they like – a mind with lots of thoughts is better-exercised and more flavourful than one without.
B) So long as they don’t give me indigestion, they can think what they like. schlorpp
C) Hah! Weak minded fools. All they need to think about is how their pitiful lives will end at my hands!!!
D) It does bother me a little when people are always harping on about how skinny I am. I can’t help it – I consume at least 10 souls a day, people!
E) I try not to, but people make so many assumptions and stereotypes based on appearance! It’s infuriating! I need to crush something….
F) Hahahaah! People say I laugh too much! They’re funny too. What’s worrying?  Thinking is hard. Time for stabby stab!

 

6. How would your worst enemy describe you – in three words?

A) Horrifying. Terrifying. Cephalopodal?
B) Far. Too. Sticky. schlupp
C) Anger. Management. Issues.
D) Needs. More. Flesh.
E) Hah! Probably: Ugly. Stupid. Smelly.
F) I love enemies! Hahahaha! They say ‘stupid. little. dungeon. vermin.’ How many words was that? Naptime!

 

7. Do you feel like your reputation gets in the way of moving forward in life?

A) Despite my reputation, people still come wandering across my path, offering up their juicy brains. So…no, not really.
B) Not as badly as gravel. That stuff gets stuck to me something fierce, creates drag, and it doesn’t even taste good! flopple
C) My reputation for muderous glory brings me nothing but acclaim amongst those whose opinion matters!
D) Haha, ‘life’. That’s a good one!
E) Does it ever! And it’s so unfair, because it’s not true at all!
F) What’s a reputation? Can I have one? Who are you? It’s time for meat. Hahahaha!

 

8. You get into an argument with someone. How does it end?

A) With a delicious meal…for me, anyway.
B) The arguments never start – it’s hard for them to speak once I’ve incorporated them into my bulk. tschlopp
C) With me stepping over their corpse. I don’t have time to argue – there’s pillaging to do.
D) I try to stay above it all, unless someone comments on my weight. Then the gloves are off, people!
E) With me adding to my trophy neckalce of ears and noses. Serves them right for underestimating me!
F) I love arguments! You’re wrong! Hahahahah! No, I’m wrong! Wait… never mind! Where are you going?

 

 

Results

Mostly A: You’re a Mindflayer!

The Fearsome Mindflayer! This is my little doodle of a mindflayer. A much more traditional and terrifying rendering can be found here.

 

So, you’re a terrifying interdimensional being with an octopus for a face and a reputation for being…’brainy’. Or rather, fond of brains. Eating them, to be precise. Still, you never want for company, between the drow that are constantly trying to murder you or the thralls that you create from your helpless victims. You also look great in long black robes and constitute probably the only market for which purple tinted primer is actually a foundation. Yeah, life is pretty good, actually.

 

Mostly B: You’re a Gelatinous Cube!

 

My horrifying Gelatinous Cube, complete with partially digested adventurer. A more colourful rendering can be found here.

 

*schlorp* You are what you eat, right? Guess that means your reputation must change on an adventurer-by-adventurer basis…but everyone insists on labelling you. Gelatinous. Cuboid. Sticky. Gross. Hard to get off a pair of boots. Well, technically those are all pretty accurate…fair call then. Now if only this rogue would hold still while you finished consuming them… *flobble*

 

Mostly C: You’re a Drow!

Angry Drow is Angry. My cartoon once again, a more exciting version of a drow can be found here.

 

Humans are awful – always poinitng fingers, running, screaming, whining to everyone about how terrible and horrible you are, all because I might have maybe burned down a few of their villages and slaughtered all the inhabitants. Seriously! Some people are too sensitive. None of them would last five minutes in the Underdark – those wretched mindflayers would probably get to them first before we could round them up and sacrifice them to Lolth. Hah! and they call us ‘dark elves’ – elves are the worst, all smug and superior and eco friendly. Claiming we drow are all full of violence and hatred – by Lolth, I hate those guys! All of them! Arrgh! I need to kill something…

 

Mostly D: You’re a Skeletal Necromancer!

 

The Skeletal Necromancer and ‘friends’.

 

Honestly, you’re getting a bit sick of the skinny-shaming. Why can’t people stop obsessing over your weight long enough to recognise your awesome arcane powers? Now that reputation for being terrifying, that’s something you can get behind. You can raise an army of the undead at the snap of your fingers – sure, that means your annual budget for home deodorisers gets a bit steep, but it’s worth it when you see those adventurers flee in terror before your rotting army! Now if you could just get out from under this bookshelf filled with tomes of necromantic horror…you really should have secured it to the wall…

 

Mostly E: You’re an Orc!

 

Orcs, handsome masters of style and heroism, gather at the dungeon water cooler to exchange gossip.

 

Everyone thinks they know what an orc ‘is’, but you’re the real deal. Never mind all those people shoving negative stereotypes on you, you know you’re the best, bravest and handsomest there is – why, just the other day you added nine more trophies to your necklace of ears and noses! Don’t let the raggedy wolfskin loincloth and random bits of rusty armor tied to your bulk define your reputation – just crush anyone who looks askance at you!

Mostly F: You’re a Goblin!

 

What? Who? Me? Goblin! Hahahahahahahaaa!!! Where’s the meat?

 

Some people say you laugh too much. Hah! Laughing over their corpse maybe! Haha! Meat is great. Daggers are great too. Someone said your dagger was too rusty. Rusting in ther gut maybe! Haters gonna hate, right? Trust those whiny adventurers to get all judgy on you – especially those paladins, they’re the worst. Wait, is there some rat-jousting on? Where? I’m hungry. Wait for meeee!

 

Mostly…A bit of Everything? You’re a Shapeshifter!

Being just one thing is so boring, you can’t imagine how everyone else manages it. You’re a master of disguise and deception, and you can slip from one form to another more quickly than anyone can pin you down. As a result, your reputation is pretty mixed, and that’s only from the people who know you’re a shapeshifter (anyone else who has technically ‘met’ you is probably already dead,let’s be honest).

 

Thank you for taking the quiz – I hope it gave you a bit of a laugh! Share what you got in the comments below, if you’d like – do you think it’s accurate? 😉

Until next time, fellow monsters, don’t forget to check for adventurers!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

The Bigger the Loot, the Better! Clinique Chubby Sticks in Chunky Cherry and Grandest Grape

Greetings from the depths of the darkest dungeon, fellow rogues!

Sometimes, it’s worth delving onto the deepest depths of the dankest dungeon. Usually, this is when the promised treasure is biggest – or, in this case, chubbiest. I’ve previously reviewed Clinique’s holiday set (featuring three other shades in the Chubby Stick range), and this time I’m bringing you two full size treasures – Chunky Cherry and Grandest Grape.

Now, we’ve all probably taken a moment to step back and consider what the ettins in Clinique’s marketing department did with the names for this line of lip products, so I’m not going to harp on it again here. Suffice it to say that while Grandest Grape isn’t too bad, I feel the word ‘chunky’ shouldn’t appear anywhere the name for a cosmetic product, even when associated with cherries (mmmm…cherries…).

 

Flog and Skeletor were initially adversaries, but bonded while laughing about how odd Clinique’s Chubby Stick names are.

 

As i mentioned in that previous post, Clinique’s Chubby Sticks are a favourite of mine. They apply smoothly and easily from their charmingly crayon-like packaging, and their texture is balm-like and hydrating to wear. There is a very light fragrance and no discernible taste. Chunky Cherry is somewhat sheer, but the pigment it contains is a bright enough pink that you still get an excellent effect, coupled with the advantages of being able to apply it safely without a mirror (essential in most dragon-related situations, I find).

 

Flog and Skeletor couldn’t decide which better represented the colour they associated with the inside of those pesky, fleshy humans – the deoxygentated purple blood of Grandest Grape (left) or the more oxygenated pink hue of Chunky Cherry (right).

 

Grandest Grape is actually (I believe) a newer release, part of a ‘Chubby Stick intense‘ line that Clinique brought out, presumably in response to complaints about the modest pigmentation of the original shades. The pigment is indeed more prominent, and as you can see from the picture above, this rogue tends to reach for Chunky Cherry more often for an everyday shade. I should probably mention here that one of my favourite things about the rather waxy, balm-like texture of these is that, in addition to lasting most of the way through your campfire rations, you can easily top them with gloss, without the lipstick dissolving or smearing or clumping or generally looking like you hired some sugar-hyped goblins to do your makeup. This is, I find, an underrated virtue of many lipsticks.

 

Daylight swatches of Grandest Grape (left) and Chunky Cherry (right). Do not adjust your screen – I am indeed that vampirically pale. Comes from all that time spent underground – I promise I’m not actually a vampire…OR AM I? *waggles eyebrows*

 

Grandest Grape is a deep, purplish pink – almost a red wine colour, which suits the name.  Chunky Cherry is a warm, medium pink, that leans a little coral on me, but does come up more pink on the lips. I think I’ve only ever seen this colour associated with white cherries, but I promise I’ll stop quibbling about the names soon 😉 Both Chunky Cherry and Grandest Grape will impart a soft stain (adding to their ~3 hour wear time normally), the latter being, of course, more noticeable.

The packaging is excellent, I find, with a twist-up action (so you don’t need to worry about cluttering up your kit with a sharpener or wasting product) that is very smooth and a snug fitting cap that doesn’t pop off in your bag. The product doesn’t get scraped off on the aperture as you wind it up or down, and the twist up action is smooth. You’ll have to pardon my focus on this – when you spend half your life disarming traps and picking locks, the smoothness of mechanical actions becomes somewhat of a preoccupation…

 

Artificial light to show the sheen. Grandest Grape really is impressively pigmented when you contrast it with previous shades like Voluptuous Violet!

 

Like the ones I reviewed previously, these Chubby Sticks impart a sheer to medium wash of colour with a soft sheen. Chunky Cherry is perfect as a ‘my lips but better’ colour with one or two passes, while Grandest Grape will give Flog and Skeletor more pause for thought with only one pass of its deep, pigmented crayon. Both can be used as an ’emergency’ cream blush, just mind that the finish might be a little dewy. If you have a deeper skintone, you might not get as much value in this respect out of Chunky Cherry due to its sheerness, but I’d be interested to know the result if anyone less vampiric than I gives it a go!

The verdict: These two shades from the not inconsiderable Chubby Stick line are worthy additions to your kit, whether you’re looking for a medium, natural pink finish or a more striking autumnal/dungeoneering shade. I am a fan of Chubby Sticks in general, and can only recommend these to any rogue who likes a hard-working, attractive lipbalm/stain/stick/paladin.

The practicalities: Clinique Chubby Sticks cost NZD 40.00 / US 17.00 each for 3 g/0.1 oz. Clinique products may be acquired from assorted chemists, department stores and Spehoras around the globe, as well as www.clinique.com. I actually purchased these two Duty Free in Singapore Airport, where they cost (I believe) ~ SGD 20.00 each (about NZD 20.00). The lesson to take from this, is you live in NZ, is to either buy all your cosmetics duty free, or find someone to bring them from duty free (or the US) for you! 😛

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps!

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!

Leave the Scales to the Fishmonsters – Freeman ‘Bare Foot’ Foot Lotion and Scrub

Greetings from the shadows, my fellow rogues!

Dungeoneering is hard on the feet, I think we can all agree on that. There’s the running from mindflayers, the climbing of ropes, the charging toward orcs and the marching overland because your adventuring party was too cheap to just rent the damned horses. You might expect, therefore, that as a professional rogue I have a wide assortment of foot care related products. You would be correct.

I’ve previously given you all the heads up on a particularly fine product from the Body Shop, but what other options are there out there to soothe toes tired from all the ass-kicking? Freeman has some answers with their Bare Foot line, from which I bring you the Peppermint and Plum Foot Lotion and the Peppermint and Plum Foot Scrub.

 

Gulp and Flub were amazed that humanoids had invented products to soften their fleshy exoskeletons. Secretly, they were jealous.

 

Together, these two products make for a pretty formidable team when it comes to the field of foot-softening. The scrub polishes away dead skin, and the lotion softens whatever’s left. The peppermint and plum bit comes in mainly in the scent, as far as I can tell. In all honesty, it smells a bit sweet and oddly childish, like one of those scented dolls/figurines (Strawberry Shortcake, I’m looking at you), which may or may not be a bad thing, depending on how nostalgic you’re feeling and whether or not you ever had one of those dolls. The Minotaurs, of course, will have a field day, tracking you effortlessly, but since you apply the stuff to your feet, it’s not really something that you personally can smell much after you apply it.

 

Ingredients! Scrub to the left, lotion to the right. These products claim not to have been tested on animals, which is nice, but fishmonsters are not mentioned…

 

The scrub is a loose, pale purple gel with rough bits of walnut shell powder in it (not sure if this would produce an allergy in the nut-averse?) – it is *very* exfoliating, but then it is made for feet. It does a totally adequate job of polishing off mild calluses and roughness, although those with severe issues may prefer to supplement the process with a pumice stone or similar implement.

 

Gulp and Flub, surveying the blobs (they are blob conoisseurs). To the left is the scrub, to the right is the lotion.

 

The lotion is a very pale purple, creamy gel, and is…lotion-y. It isn’t too loose or too rich, and absorbs easily into the skin. This makes it better than the Body Shop one if you’re applying it during a watch where you ssupect you might have to get up and fight goblin necromancers or similar at a moments’ notice.

 

More detail on the scrub (left) and lotion (right). Flub and Gulp are considering bringing out their own line of scale scrubs and softeners – you wouldn’t believe what builds up on you at the bottom of a haunted grotto.

 

The packaging is excellent (hard to go wrong with a tube, really), although the loose consistency of the scrub means it can kind of leap out at you if you’re not paying attention while opening the tube. The product sizes are generous, as you don’t need a huge amount per application and the tubes are large. To top it off, the crimp at the top of the tube is shaped vaguely like the outline of toes, like if you drew around your foot (a photography disaster means I can’t show you – a gelatinous cube ate my camera and it hasn’t been quite right since I fished it out).

I can’t wait to try more of Freeman’s Bare Foot line, actually – when this lot is finished up, I’m planning on finding a way to get a hold of their Lemon and Sage  and Dragonfruit foot care products – what can I say, a rogue is always looking for a new footrub fodder!  There’s also lavender and mint, but those are two of my least favourite scents, so together…I’m not sure. Anyone else tried it, or has a foot care product they can recommend?

The verdict: Freeman’s Bare Foot Foot Scrub and Foot Lotion make an excellent pair for polishing and softening your dungeon-weary feet. The scent is unspecial, but the products do what they claim, and do it affordably!

The practicalities: Freeman’s Bare Foot products cost NZD 9.99 – 19.95 /USD 3.79 (depending where you shop; prefer pharmacies over Farmers) for 150 mL/5.3 fl. oz, are permanent, and may be acquired from assorted chemists/pharmacies/drugstores etc around the globe, as well as the Freeman Beauty website.

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps! Preferably not with your feet…

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!