Leave the Scales to the Fishmonsters – Freeman ‘Bare Foot’ Foot Lotion and Scrub

Greetings from the shadows, my fellow rogues!

Dungeoneering is hard on the feet, I think we can all agree on that. There’s the running from mindflayers, the climbing of ropes, the charging toward orcs and the marching overland because your adventuring party was too cheap to just rent the damned horses. You might expect, therefore, that as a professional rogue I have a wide assortment of foot care related products. You would be correct.

I’ve previously given you all the heads up on a particularly fine product from the Body Shop, but what other options are there out there to soothe toes tired from all the ass-kicking? Freeman has some answers with their Bare Foot line, from which I bring you the Peppermint and Plum Foot Lotion and the Peppermint and Plum Foot Scrub.

 

Gulp and Flub were amazed that humanoids had invented products to soften their fleshy exoskeletons. Secretly, they were jealous.

 

Together, these two products make for a pretty formidable team when it comes to the field of foot-softening. The scrub polishes away dead skin, and the lotion softens whatever’s left. The peppermint and plum bit comes in mainly in the scent, as far as I can tell. In all honesty, it smells a bit sweet and oddly childish, like one of those scented dolls/figurines (Strawberry Shortcake, I’m looking at you), which may or may not be a bad thing, depending on how nostalgic you’re feeling and whether or not you ever had one of those dolls. The Minotaurs, of course, will have a field day, tracking you effortlessly, but since you apply the stuff to your feet, it’s not really something that you personally can smell much after you apply it.

 

Ingredients! Scrub to the left, lotion to the right. These products claim not to have been tested on animals, which is nice, but fishmonsters are not mentioned…

 

The scrub is a loose, pale purple gel with rough bits of walnut shell powder in it (not sure if this would produce an allergy in the nut-averse?) – it is *very* exfoliating, but then it is made for feet. It does a totally adequate job of polishing off mild calluses and roughness, although those with severe issues may prefer to supplement the process with a pumice stone or similar implement.

 

Gulp and Flub, surveying the blobs (they are blob conoisseurs). To the left is the scrub, to the right is the lotion.

 

The lotion is a very pale purple, creamy gel, and is…lotion-y. It isn’t too loose or too rich, and absorbs easily into the skin. This makes it better than the Body Shop one if you’re applying it during a watch where you ssupect you might have to get up and fight goblin necromancers or similar at a moments’ notice.

 

More detail on the scrub (left) and lotion (right). Flub and Gulp are considering bringing out their own line of scale scrubs and softeners – you wouldn’t believe what builds up on you at the bottom of a haunted grotto.

 

The packaging is excellent (hard to go wrong with a tube, really), although the loose consistency of the scrub means it can kind of leap out at you if you’re not paying attention while opening the tube. The product sizes are generous, as you don’t need a huge amount per application and the tubes are large. To top it off, the crimp at the top of the tube is shaped vaguely like the outline of toes, like if you drew around your foot (a photography disaster means I can’t show you – a gelatinous cube ate my camera and it hasn’t been quite right since I fished it out).

I can’t wait to try more of Freeman’s Bare Foot line, actually – when this lot is finished up, I’m planning on finding a way to get a hold of their Lemon and Sage  and Dragonfruit foot care products – what can I say, a rogue is always looking for a new footrub fodder!  There’s also lavender and mint, but those are two of my least favourite scents, so together…I’m not sure. Anyone else tried it, or has a foot care product they can recommend?

The verdict: Freeman’s Bare Foot Foot Scrub and Foot Lotion make an excellent pair for polishing and softening your dungeon-weary feet. The scent is unspecial, but the products do what they claim, and do it affordably!

The practicalities: Freeman’s Bare Foot products cost NZD 9.99 – 19.95 /USD 3.79 (depending where you shop; prefer pharmacies over Farmers) for 150 mL/5.3 fl. oz, are permanent, and may be acquired from assorted chemists/pharmacies/drugstores etc around the globe, as well as the Freeman Beauty website.

Until next time, fellow adventurers, don’t forget to check for traps! Preferably not with your feet…

Syl

I am an adventuring rogue, not a mercenary for hire, and as such, all opinions expressed here are my own, based on a genuine fondness for/interest in this product. If you have any queries or suggestions, please do not hesitate to pin your parchment to the board (contact me) at thepaintedrogue [at] gmail [dot] com., or use the contact form provided!